


Omniscient and Ineffable

by Megchad22



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Contract Immortality, M/M, Non graphic violence, Other, attempted murder/execution, implied child neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22354333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megchad22/pseuds/Megchad22
Summary: Just because God’s plan is ineffable doesn’t mean that it cannot be chosen of one’s own free will. Just because God knows everything that ever happened or ever could doesn’t mean that She can predict the future. And just because two sides believe a war in inevitable does not mean it is ok to execute anyone who says differently.Credit for the fantastic artwork goes toJennifer Napier
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45
Collections: Good Omens Big Bang 2019





	Omniscient and Ineffable

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2019 Good Omens Big Bang
> 
> Thank you  
>  [Jennifer Napier](https://getbehindmefoulfiend.tumblr.com/) for the artwork and being a fantastic Beta.

"Omniscient and Omnipresent. All-knowing and all-seeing. For centuries there have been philosophical discussions on how these two concepts interact with free will.

God scoffed at them all.

The truth is that these ideas are not nearly as mutually exclusive as one would think. Just because one knows everything, does not mean that any of it will make the slightest bit of sense. God would know.

God knew everything that had ever been, and everything that ever could be. Every potential decision twisting into a gordian knot of overlapping futures, only straightening out when a choice removes a potential.  In short, the only difference between God and most people is that as soon as a decision is made that really fucks things up, God can tell that it will, even if she may not know how, or why

In the beginning, during the period she created her first angels (and realized She fucked something up almost at once when half of the potential in Her head vanished,) She created two angels that fit so perfectly together that only Love could grow between them. This was not in any way deliberate. Another misconception in the universe is that God, Herself, created love. This is not strictly accurate.

These two seemingly separate misconceptions twine together at the beginning of our story with one more piece of contradictory but relevant information (Hardly the first). In the rarest of circumstances a potential moment will approach that is so pivotal to the future of the universe that God can see all the strings, all the potential condensed down to two choices. 

Our story begins with the approach of two such moments in quick succession, relatively speaking. One choice will be made by God, Herself. The other by her oldest, Lucifer. 

God called to the angels that created love, drawing them close. They were, as always, connected across the ethereal plane. “I have a calling for the two of you”

Seraphiel was the older of the two, but only by a few eons. The light of their form quivered. There were no words as the Seraphim waited for her commands. 

The younger seraphim, Jehoel, did not voice the question that She could feel in their being. Instead they waited, willing to accept her orders. 

It would be in these next moments that the seeds of what eventually become the concept of free will were planted. For God did something She had not yet done when She spoke. “Do not accept this mission until you have heard it through and understand exactly what is being asked. For if you undertake it, it will be the single most difficult thing that can be done by either of you.”

And God continued to speak, explaining every detail of what she expected of them. She spoke for eons, aware that Lucifer’s choice was drawing near. At last Her Plan was spoken.

Her two seraphim, their essence curling around each other, remained quiet for a moment that stretched and bent like taffy. She could feel their deliberation but did not try to understand it. Jehoel spoke for them, “We will do it.”

God felt such sorrow that pride came into existence for this pair of children. “Though it means you will be seperated?”

Jehoel spoke again, “Yes.”

“And that you will cause each other pain?”

“Yes.”

“And that you may never have again what you have now?”

Now Jehoel hesitated but Seraphiel spoke, “Will the ending you need be achievable without this?”

“I do not believe so.”

There was no such thing as bravery yet, for no being yet needed to feel fear. But there was no doubt that future generations would have recognized the bravery in the way Seraphiel’s light fluttered or in the way that Jehoel carefully slid their essence apart. They spoke together and seperate all at once. “Then it must be done and we accept.”

God reached Her Self out and wrapped around Her two seraphim. She compressed their true selves, made them less so that they would fit in with their new stations better. She carefully, lovingly separated them but could not resist leaving a single string of twining essence stretched between them. Nothing that could be sensed, or binding but allowed them to know each other after a fashion. 

Then She renamed her creations, not wanting their true names wrapped up in what was to come. Seraphiel was condensed down to a Principality who vibrated near constantly with inexpressible energy. Very carefully She called them Aziraphale and sent them to where the other principalities were. Jehoel did not need to be compressed as much, just down to a mid level Archangel. She was less careful with naming them, knowing that they would not hold the name for long come what may. Thus She maneuvered the newly named Craziel to hang the stars near to where Lucifer was about to make his choice. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It hurt when She was proven correct. When Lucifer made the choice to attack. In doing so he created horror as golden blood flew. He created rage. He had to be stopped before more of Her children were lost. 

First She tried to push the rebelling angels just far enough away for the others to collect their struck down brethren. She bought them just enough time to create their weapons before Lucifer’s Angels descended again. Next She tried to fling them to the edges of heaven, in hopes they would come back to their senses. When that did not work She pushed them to the newly created Earth and still they attacked. 

Finally She took one step She hoped to avoid. With the bitterest of sorrow She pushed her children down, past the Earth. She held them in the boiling sulfur, the only substance that can scorch an Angel’s Grace, until they no longer had enough Grace to return to Heaven. The sheer amount of Grace in the boiling sulfur created another new element, Hellfire.

In heaven God could feel a score of her children screaming, left behind and in pain. The faint connections between them and the attackers were such that they felt an echo of the Fall. 

One of many consequences that would take millenia to unfold.

XXXXXXXXX

Aziraphale sat in the emptiness of Heaven, his arms tied to a chair. There is a tornado of flame, hell fire, not more than four feet away. In another universe the final prophecy of an exploding witch had him switching faces with his best friend to save them both. In this one a freak accident made the final prophecy unreadable approximately 3 years after Agnes Nutter died. 

The angel said nothing as he was condemned to death. He would not beg. The planet that he’d grown to love was safe in Adam Young’s keeping. With luck the former AntiChrist had restored life to the child of his heart; if that was the case then the protection they spent years weaving would solidify into a force that would ensure the boy would always know he was loved. His demon was not safe, was likely on his way to death right now, but there was little Aziraphale could do about it. 

In the demon’s apartment the night after the canceled end of the world Crowley and Aziraphale had spoken seriously of the consequences of saving the world. Crowley was absolutely positive that nothing short of extinction would do for the murder of a fellow demon. And Aziraphale refused to live in a world without the demon. So he had no trouble stepping into the flame, his lips sealed tight. They may be executing him, but they would not have the satisfaction of his pain. 

XXXXXX

In Hell, a demon stood with loose limbs that betrayed nothing. His angel was likely already burning while they waited for the tub of Holy Water to fill. Despite all that had happened Crowley could only claim a few regrets. The standout of which was that they had never taken Warlock away to raise as their own. Never found a way to show their son the stars from close up. The not quite an antichrist would be safe and protected. Whatever bits of their life force and Aziraphale’s left will wrap around their child and provide him with lifelong protection. Almost before Micheal had finished Crowley dove into the Holy Water. 

This, in barest truth, was the moment that God had been planning for. The moment She had hoped she was wrong about. Her backup plan, as it were. 

Stepping into the flames should have burned. His screams should have echoed through Heavens hall’s against his will. Instead all that burned was the block his mother had laid upon his memories. “Oh” he breathed as he rotated his head. 

Crowley lay, slightly stunned, in the bathtub of water. They should have been vapor. Instead the block in their memories washed away under the power of the Holy Water. They understood at last. 

XXXXXXXX

God had several powers of which she had found no occasion yet to use. In most cases this was a good thing. One such power She exercised now. With a sound that only had one description (The deafening silence of the color magenta, but only if experienced between stars while drinking an Americano prepared by a man named Sue) She brought Heaven and Hell to the same Plane of existence. She kept things well away from Earth, out of respect of Her grandchildren. 

“You both did such a fantastic job.” She burbled.

Aziraphale and Crowley responded in almost one voice, “Thank you, Mother.”

“Do come over here, dears. We have business to attend to.”

Gabriel was the first collect himself as the two he considered traitors left their due punishment to stand before his Lord. “Your Holiness.”

God sighed with disappointment. “Gabriel, I will deal with you and your siblings in a moment. I am so disappointed in you all.” She turned back to Aziraphale and Crowley, “Not you dears, you did exactly as I asked of you even after it nearly cost you everything. I wish there was something I could give. ”

Crowley spoke, a little sheepish, a little guilty, “There is something I would ask of you, Mother.”

“Oh. Speak of it my child, and if I can grant it, I will.”

Crowley gulped, this was not a statement to be taken lightly, “I took a life I should not have. Would it be possible to return it?”

God smiled, Her eyes flicking to look at the demon Hastur looking lopsided without Ligur. “You  _ would _ ask for those two. I suppose that they, at least, have learned part of your lesson.” 

There was a collective blink and suddenly Duke Ligur was standing to the right of Hastur, looking very confused. 

God turned back to one of her oldest children, “Now back to your reward. I regret that I cannot reverse the Fall. It is permanent.”

Seeing their mother’s guilt, Crowley rushed to assuage it, “It was our choice, Mother. You made it clear that I would Fall if we agreed to this plan. I agreed.” 

“I know dear one, but that does not change that you Fell unjustly. It would be best if you moved outside of Hell’s jurisdiction, though. An unbound seraphim in Hell would be a temptation my oldest can ill afford. For that matter an unbound seraphim in Heaven would be just as bad. And I am betting you would like to unbind fully, little one?”

Aziraphale blushed at the tone, “It would be good to stretch myself, mother. But as my dear one said, we chose fully knowing what could happen. We were needed.” 

A thoughtful look crossed God's countenance , “Perhaps being needed is the answer. I do have a planet in need of guardians. Guardians that know it and it’s people...guardians that understand balance and freewill. Humanity does need a voice on the ethereal stage…”

It was difficult to tell which spoke next, “It would be an honor, Mother.”

God smiled at her seraphim, truly the first in creation to have freewill. “Bring your wings out, dears, but carefully. I’d rather you didn’t accidentally destroy any of your siblings at this time.”

Six obsidian black wings and six pearl white wings burst from two different backs. For a moment the black wings appeared solely on Crowley’s back with the white on Aziraphale. Then their forms blurred for a moment and their middle set of wings, for lack of a better term, switched. 

Aziraphale stretched his wings wide. Already some of the constant anxious tension that had always raidated off of him was easing. “Oh that does feel better, we will have to make time to fully manifest at some point soon, my dear.”

God’s fondness for the two beings was almost solid in nature. “Seraphial, Protector, do you swear by all of your being to protect humanity and ensure the balance? Will you assist in moments of joy and sorrow equally? Will you guide Humanity to its true potential?”

Angels and demons across both planes were staring in abject shock at the rumpled, rounded bookstore owner. Six massive wings aside this did not look like one of the most powerful seraphim in the universe, one that had been missing since just before the War. Still he straightened his waistcoat with a gentle smile, “I swear”

The wings upon his back began to streak through, first with browns fading into greens and greys. Then with metallics of all colors. At last he stood with wings that could wrap around another as comfort or an impenetrable shield. Wings that, like the Earth, were impossibly colored and somehow a contradictory solid that was ever-shifting. In the center of each wing was a single feather of the brightest blue.

God drew their attention away from the Protector of Humanity and onto the demon, “Jehoel, Creator, do you swear by all of your being to push humanity to its greatest potential? Will you create the situations of joy and sorrow to lead humans to their greatest heights? Will you guide Humanity to its true potential?”

Black and white wings flicked outward, “I swear.”

The colors that streaked across the former demon’s wings were even brighter and more contradictory than the Protector. The top pair became saturated in reds and oranges. The second awash with blues and greens and greys. The bottom pair held deep purples and dark blues with white. Each set was a sunset all its own and in the center of each wing was rich brown feather. 

“You are bound to humanity now, my dears. Feel free to recruit from Heaven, Hell or Human for your cause. I will ensure that a list of angels and demons exiled to Earth make their way to you. But not until after you actually get to spend some time together. Go on now, darlings. My discussion with your siblings should last about a decade so you can count on them not interfering until then at the earliest.”

Two seraphim in the shape of an angel and demon clasped each others hands and vanished from the Plane. God turned to the assembled angels and demons. “Now, lets go over all the things you have done in my absence.”

Gabriel shifted, “Your holiness…”

God sighed, “Gabriel, do you deny that you just tried to set one of your siblings on fire?”

Gabriel flinched, “It was for Heaven. Aziraphale betrayed You went. He went against Your great plan, Your ineffable plan.”

“My ineffable...They  _ were _ the ineffable plan. They were backup plan in case the Great Plan went too far.”

“Were we not meant to battle, in this great plan of yours?” Beezlebub interrupted, “To finally triumph over the Enemy?”

God closed Her eyes against the bitter memory of forcing the demon’s head under the sulfur. The feel of rotting grace upon Her hands. “The Great Plan was meant to bring you together so that when you stood upon the battlefield and stared across you saw, not an enemy, but a sibling. A love that you could not hurt, not again.”

The Prince of Hell made a derisive sound that had nearly every angel nearby puff up with righteous indignation. “Bring uzzzz together, one big happy family. After you rejected uzzzz. Tell me...why Zzzzin is punished in a Fall for one but not another.”

God looked at Her child, “Is that what you believe? That the Fall was purely punishment for Sin?”

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Back on Earth a bookshop in Soho groaned as two familiar beings appeared within it. Outside sat a Bently in mint condition. The air of the bookshop quivered. Ethereally both beings were substantially larger than they had been before and compressing any further would likely cause issues. 

As Aziraphale cleared his throat, sixteen rapists and murders in the Soho area promptly dropped what they were doing and turned themselves in to the police with complete confessions. Neither entity knew that, however. “Perhaps it would be best if we adjourned upstairs. I would hate for the books to be damaged.”

Crowley could not help the laughter that bubbled in their throat. They also could not help the tears on their face. The next day 11 new species of plants would be discovered in St. James Park, along with 2 new species of waterfowl, and one very confused anaconda (Somehow both warmblooded and native to that park, despite the fact that no one could say that had been the case the day before.) 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The flat was stark and empty, the result of a quick miracle on Aziraphale’s part(Incidentally a total of 64 accidents in different parts of India were simultaneously prevented). “What do you think, my dear, should we start on the planning or go straight to the breakdown?”

The words were half joking, half serious. Either way Aziraphale was letting Crowley dictate how they would handle the latest set of revelations. Crowley ignored the scratchiness of his own voice and the building hysteria, “As much as we need to start planning, I’m not sure that we can put off the breakdown piece for long.”

Aziraphale nodded, his form distorting strangely as he tried to keep himself under control. Local news later reported that London’s crime rate had abruptly dropped 13% that night. “Be a dear and move us out of  synchronization . If we fully manifest in this Plane we’re going to tear London apart.” 

Crowley nodded faintly and clicked his fingers. Though there was nothing to tell them they had shifted to the left of the mortal plane both could feel the difference. “We’re in our own pocket now, Angel. We’ll reenter the mortal plane the same instant we left it.”

XXXXXXXX

At that moment in the London Natural History Museum one of the T-Rex Skeletons grew flesh, woke up and asked the night guard for a snack in American accented English. The Guard ran off, screaming. The T-rex, now quite embarrassed, shrunk to the size of a gerbil and exited stage left. 

XXXXXXXX

Aziraphale’s form disintegrated as his true self burst forth. There was nothing humanoid about the Seraphim. Nothing in any human language that could describe beings built from the ethereal plane. The bible spoke of thousands of eyes, and for a given value of eyes that may have even been true. Lovecraft’s description of the Other, of things mortals could not lay eyes upon without madness taking root could be a pale reflection of a seraphim. Aziraphale’s true form was a being of light, threaded with galaxies imploding in upon themselves. He was all sharp edges in direct contrast with his normal cuddly form. 

Crowley, on the other hand, pulled his corporation apart a piece at a time. The closest visual that a watcher might be able to compare the process to was that of removing  an unraveling rope that had grown into a tree. With each inch of their physical body falling away, darkness unfolded. They were a being of the darkness between stars speckled with whirls of creation. They preferred their true self be arranged in a vaguely humanoid shape, with soft rounded edges that separated them from the environment. 

Without their corporations to contain them Aziraphale and Crowley slid their essences together. Light and darkness, kindness and cruelty, creation and destruction combined to make something brand new. Love, all encompassing and uncompromising, lit wherever they touched. An ache that neither had ever realized existed eased away. 

Seraphiel hummed contentedly. “Jehoel. It has been too long.”

“Glad your talent for understatement has survived, Seraphiel. I’ll be honest if I had known then...well I’m not sure I would have been able to agree.”

“You would have, my dear. For the same reason we did not let ourselves realize how bad it would be. It was what Mother needed.”

The sound Crowley let out could have been a sigh, in the same way the death of a star could be a sigh. “Sometimes I hate when you’re right.”

An imploding star shifted from one edge of Seraphiel to the other, an indication of sheepishness and guilt. “I am sorry how I have acted, my darling. Not a moment of it was called for.”

As combined as they were Jehoel could feel the moments that the other referred to, tinged with the fear that had been central to every thought Aziraphale ever had. It likely had been a result of the binding, just as simmering rage had been Crowley’s. Words of forgiveness remained unspoken, for any forgiveness was both too much and not enough for the enormity of their six-thousand years. 

Instead of words Jehoel let their past flow between them. The misunderstanding and rejections tingeing the world in shades of regret and pain. Love had grown between them, following along the thread their Mother had left vibrating between them. Forgiveness, though given, would be considered shallow compared to their truth. Acceptance and understanding reached a hair deeper but even those terms could not contain the enormity of their shared history and how they knew each other even after six millenia apart. 

When the moment broke, it was Seraphiel who spoke, “We should start rebuilding our corporations. I dare say they will not fit us any longer.”

A light snuffed out in the lower part of Jehoel, this form’s answer to cackling laughter. “If you can create something that will blend in  _ and  _ can handle you unbound, then I’m a unicorn. ‘Twas hard enough cramming into our corporations when we were bound.”

The swirl of a light pink galaxy coming into being at the top most edge of Seraphiel’s form would be a tut of exasperation in a human. “We do have some wiggle room, my dear. We’re beings of the Earth now. We can sink our excess into the earthly elements.”

“That’ll cause some massive shift, angel. As oblivious as they are, the humans will notice.”

The feeling that pulsed between them was akin to the physical action of waving away a concern. “Those in power will make up some scientific explanation, they always do. It might give them all something to do for a decade or two that isn’t destroying the planet.”

Jehoel thought about Thaddeus Dowling, and how the man would react to multiple unexpected climate changes undoing the damage of industrialized humans. There were an awful lot of Thaddeus Dowling’s in power.“Fair enough, we’ll need to be careful keeping balanced. If we sink ourselves into the same elements we run the risk of fucking things up worse.”

“Hmmm, if we each took two opposing elements we shouldn’t be in danger of overwhelming anything, we are about the same size unbound. With our former associations it would probably be better if you took Fire and Air while I take Earth and Water.”

Jehoel flickered a blinding white supernova in the upper right part of their form, signalling their agreement. The two seraphin began to rebuild their Corporeal forms, piece by piece. Seraphiel campaigned heavily for Jehoel’s eyes to remain slitted as a nod to their shared years. Jehoel only agreed when Seraphial was willing to retain the softness of his former corporation. At last their forms were rebuilt, looking very much like their former selves. 

Seraphial sighed as he settled fully into his corporation. He folded his pale, well groomed hands in front of himself. “I do believe it is time, my dear.” 

Jehoel nodded, shoving their hands into their pockets. “Right. Probably better if we left our True names out of the mortal plane. Be a shame if we finally get our freedom and then get bound by some twit with no sense and the wrong website.”

Their companion nodded, “I do believe that Aziraphale and Crowley will work passably well as earthbound names. They have been ours for quite some time.”

Crowley flashed a grin, reckless and wild, then raised his hand and snapped his fingers. Time started again. The two seraphim let their excess essence sink deep into their chosen elements. 

XXXXXXXX

Crowley made a disgusted face, “The air tastes terrible. What have the humans been dumping into it?”

Aziraphale’s face was screwed up in discomfort. “Likely whatever they are drilling for in the earth. That stings.”

Signs of industrialization began to disappear from around the globe. Pollution damage thinned and vanished. People all around the world woke up breathing the cleanest air in centuries. One lost American cruise ship watched in abject shock and awe as plastic islands dissolved without a sound. Dozens of abandoned mines and life-robbed quarries were surprised to find themselves quite whole again. In three of these cases, lost hikers abruptly found themselves within a mile of civilization. One hiker promptly turned the wrong direction and got lost again. In one instance, four captive women and two captive men were removed from the mineshaft where they were being held into the parking lot of the nearest hospital. 

None of that was known by the immortal beings, all they knew was that their discomfort had begun to fade. Their awareness of the planet expanded to a dizzying amount. It was Aziraphale who got a handle on that awareness first. 

He just barely managed to push down the ringing of the Earth’s crust or the echo of moving water. A packet of paper floated down to land just passed where Crowley was swaying. Aziraphale maneuvered past them to look. It was their divine mandate, directly from their Mother.

The main short term goal was to provide the Earth and all of its inhabitants with a voice on the immortal stage. In the medium term they were to help the inhabitants of the earth reach a point where they could meet some of their Mother’s mortal experiments in other galaxies. Their longest term mandate was to get their charges to the point where they could speak for themselves. The last would likely be an undertaking of hundreds of generations. But as immortals, they had time. 

As Aziraphale finished perusing the their new mandate, Crowley was coming back to reality. They snapped their fingers and a brand new laptop popped into existence. The screen immediately flickered on as words scrolled down at a rate too fast for human eyes. 

At Aziraphale’s questioning look, Crowley shrugged, “Easier to make sense of what the air and fire is telling me. Oh I won the bet. There is fire at the core of this planet, not molten earth.” 

Aziraphale snorted and snapped. “That’s what? Six for you and ten for me?”

Next to the computer a large Grimoire-style book appeared, filling itself in just as quickly as the computer. 

It would take several weeks for the book and the computer to finish writing. In that time Aziraphale and Crowley found that they could not combine their essences in their corporations. (There were three attempts, each time something strange happened. During the last attempt a combination Duck and spider came into being two feet away from them. No one was ok with the new creature, least of all the creature itself. It took four miracles to put everything to right.) They did find that snuggling was an acceptable substitute. 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Fifteen days after the world failed to end, the angel Aira, tentatively entered the bookshop. They were an angelic healer who was part of the Guardian Angel Corps. Aira’s corporation was a tiny thing, only just barely coming up to Aziraphale’s shoulder. Eyes the color of a human soul, an indescribable greyish purple that matched firmament in the first moments of creation, flickered over to Aziraphale.

Aziraphale stepped into their line of sight, smiling to hide his wariness. He knew that this angel did not have the power to truly harm either he or Crowley, but that did not mean that they shouldn’t be careful. So Aziraphale had insisted that the former agent of Hell wait in the back office while he greeted their guest. “Aira, it is good to see you. What brings you to my bookshop?”

Aira returned the smile nervously, while their hands clenched around an item that Aziraphale could not identify because of the pressure from Aira’s hands. It might have been made of some kind of parchment. “Aziraphale, sir, I...uh...that is.”

Aziraphale took a step closer, “Aira, dear, take a second to breathe. You know I refuse to deal with that sir nonsense. Now, what brings you here.”

Aira closed their eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m...ah...I’m the spokesperson for the Guardian Angels. We heard...we heard you were in charge of the Earth and we needed to know what we needed to do...um...to be allowed to keep doing our jobs.”

Aziraphale blinked, “That is not quite correct, though it is close, I suppose. Crowley and I do speak for the Earth now. Before either of us agree to allow you to continue to work on Earth we will need to know exactly you believe ‘doing your job’ would entail.”

Aziraphale knew what the Guardian Angels did, of course. But like his own former job description, theirs tended to be very general and tended to amount to whatever they needed to do to protect their assigned souls. While it wouldn’t be a problem for Angels to continue to help people on Earth, they would have to discuss Heaven and Hell recruiting from the humans. 

The soft glow of hope radiating off of Aira’s skin dimmed at Aziraphale’s words. Their voice had dropped to a near whisper. “Oh. Well...here,” they shoved the item at Aziraphale, their movement choppy with frantic energy. Thier words tripped over each other as if they were afraid that they would be cut off. “We...we’re not supposed to have favorites of our charges but we do anyways. That is a list of our charges.... They will not last long without our intervention. I’m afraid if we are recalled they will die or grow worse.”

The item began to reform as soon as left the Guardian Angel’s hands, the standard miracle woven into angelic parchment allowing it to remain whole despite the nerves of its former holder. It was a scroll that was tightly wrapped and still almost a meter thick. When Aziraphale took it the surprising amount of weight almost caused him to drop the parchment. Aira’s helplessness swelled around him, choking him. It appeared to have the same effect on Crowley, who all but flew from the back room. As their eyes met from across the room, an idea flashed across the redhead’s face. Aziraphale offered his own silent agreement. They did need to start setting up their organization. Aira didn’t notice the interaction, too wrapped up in her worry. 

Crowley slid up to the guardian angel, who jerked in surprise to see the former demon so close. “How many guardians are there?”

Aira was clearly unsure if they should be giving that information out to a former enemy. Aziraphale nodded encouragingly. Privately he was a bit amused. Of all the beings in the universe, possibly even including their Mother, Crowley was the one who supported the mission of the Guardian Angels the most. There had been more than a few instances where Crowley has passed on a tip for one of the GA corp. The former demon maintained that they were the only angels, aside from Aziraphale, that were worth anything. 

Aira gulped, “Th-th there are one- hundred and fifteen angels on Earth, supervised by two minor archangels, Camael and Ezekial, as well as the Archangel Raphael.”

“How involved are Cameal, Ezekiel, and Rephael?”

“Camael has charges on Earth. Ezekiel hasn’t been back on Earth in a few hundred years, not since his last charge ignored his guidance. Raphael has not set foot on Earth since he appeared to Lot.”

Aziraphale hummed thoughtfully, “Yes, he did take the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah poorly. too much extended pain, I believe he said. That was one of the only occasions he left the confines of Heaven.”

Crowley snorted, “Not sure the bastards in either city deserved any sympathy after the things I found there. Lot and his family were the sole innocents left, and only because they were too blinded by the church to put up with rescuing by a demon.”

Aziraphale nodded with the air of someone who had had this conversation many times before. “How was Rahael to know that you’d been snatching the innocent away from their oppressors and disguising it with a miracle or two? I didn’t even know until the sixteenth century.”

Crowley’s response was cut off by the involuntary squeak of Aira, whom both Aziraphale and Crowley had quite forgotten. Crowley’s head snapped around to look are the visiting angel. “Right, guardian angels. Camael would be the best to put in charge, at least at first. Once we get better situated we can look again. What do you think, angel? Guardian angels would fall under Protection after all.”

Aziraphale nodded thoughtfully, “That would be best, to keep from interrupting the care of the GA Corps charges. We’ll check back in with them before they take any more humans on.”

Aira’s face was slack without any sign of comprehension. Their hands were clasped so tightly together that the skin of their corporation was bloodless. “Wha-What?”

“Oh, dear me. You must forgive us both. I’m afraid we are quite unused to recruiting others”

The guardian angel’s long hair shifted as they tilted their head, “Recruiting?”

Aziraphale nodded jovially, “Oh yes, that really would be best thing. Negotiations for ethereal and occult operations on Earth are going to take far too long for the people on this list. Recruitment to our side would solve that problem nicely.”

Aira looked a bit like a human would if someone walked up and smacked them with a bundle of money then left it with them; shellshocked, suspicious, and hopeful. “You want us to...join you? All of us?”

Aziraphale smiled like a parent whose child had finally learned some difficult lessons, “All one-hundredand sixteen of you. I don’t think Ezekiel is the right fit, not with the pouting he has been doing since that charge ignored his fashion suggestions. Shall we discuss terms?”Both angel and former angel ignored the sudden snickering from the former demon. 

“Terms?” Aira squeaked.

“Yes, it's best to get most of it done up front, don’t you agree? Or should we call Camael to discuss that?” 

Aira blinked, “I’m not sure either of us would be qualified to talk about terms. That’s usually upper management.”

Crowley snorted, “Pretty sure old Raphie would not be willing to talk terms about the wholesale defection of GA Corps and one of their supervisors with us.”

The guardian angel’s skin became even paler, their voice was thin and breathless. “Defection?”

“What else would you call it, kid? You lot need to throw in you hat in with us if you want to make sure those on your list get the help they need.”

This was not strictly true. With the scroll in their hands now every one of the people on it were set to become personal projects. Neither was willing to tell that to the angel standing before them. They needed some leverage to poach from Heaven. 

Aira visibly hesitated, their eyes straying to the scroll still held in Aziraphale’s hands. Crowley could see the exact moment the steel core (seemingly only present in angels with Earth-based jobs) in Aira assert itself. Their soul-colored eyes lit with love for the humans under the care of the guardian angels. “What are your...terms of employment?”

Crowley grinned but it was Aziraphale that spoke, “For now, your department will do much of the same things as you do now. We expect you to protect your charges. You’ll be serving under me so you will be drawing your powers from the elements of Earth and Water rather than Heaven. We will need to reevaluate your entire structure and job description before taking any new charges but you can keep taking care of your current ones. Obviously, there’s no recruiting human souls for Heaven.”

Aira nodded, “What’s our restrictions for Miracles?”

“Oh, I would say that you should not do anything that is bound to attract world-wide attention.”

There was an extra few minutes of silence while Aira waited for more restrictions. When there were none, their countenance shifted back to shocked, though the hopeful air increased. “On behalf of the Guardian Angel Corps and archangel Camael, I accept your offer.”

At first it seemed like nothing would change. Then Aira gasped. Their wings shot out involuntarily. Metallic colors began to leak unevenly through their pristine white feathers, which took on a sharper edge. Their features began to shift. Their ears took on subtle points, only noticeable if one looked close. Their fingers became longer and pointed in a way that could almost pass as fake fingernails on a normal human. The biggest physical change was their eyes. The color of the human soul, the mark of the GA corp, drained away--leaving irises that radiated the colors of a sunrise. Something else indefinable shifted in them that neither Aziraphale nor Crowley could put their fingers on. 

As Aira stared down at their hands Crowley peered at them, trying to figure out what had changed. After several long minutes Crowley jerked with shock (the feeling itself may have been part of the surprise since Crowley would have sworn that nothing in this world could surprise them any longer), “You can create life” they blurted. 

Aira nodded slowly, their eyes wide and their jaw dropped with abject shock. “You may have just created a new species. One that can reproduce.” Their expression took on an odd turn, “I’m not sure I appreciate suddenly having a gender.”

There was a sharp crack, like two stones striking each other. Between one moment and the next, there was another of the new species in Aziraphale’s bookshop. 

This being’s skin was a burnt caramel color. Though their height matched Crowley’s something about how stretched they looked suggested that this had not always been the case. This was supported by the fact that they moved like their limbs did not quite belong to them.

Instinctively, the other three knew this was Camael. Three other things were also abundantly clear before Camael opened their mouth. One, they also suddenly had a gender that they did not have before their species abruptly changed. Two, this was a different gender than Aira (Though if asked no one would have been able to articulate what the difference was). Three, they were distinctly not pleased to have their species and/or gender changed without warning. 

Camael looked at Aira, their eyes practically sparking, “This is not what I meant when I sent you to find out what we need to do to have access to our charges.”

Aira twitched but did not move away from Camael. “You did authorize me to make any reasonable agreement to continue our work.”

Camael’s wings, colored oceanic slate blue and oddly fluffy, burst forth in clear agitation, “Reasonable!? How is abandoning our angelic nature reasonable?” 

Aira winced, “That...was not necessarily intended.”

The disbelief in Camael’s eyes shined out with enough force that it could almost take a physical form. “You accidentally” they enunciated carefully, making sure each word was clear and precise, “changed our species.”

Another twitch moved across Aira’s face, “I thought it was the only way to keep working.”

Camael scoffed the agitation starting to look like true anger, “So your changed our species” they repeated, “without even checking in?”

Crowley seamlessly stepped between the two former angels. “It worked, though. So,wahoo for Aira.”

Camael rounded furiously on Crowley before subsiding. It seemed they were either not able or not comfortable with going after one of the two beings in charge of them. Instead they petered off into incoherent noises. Then they disappeared with the same crack of stone as before. 

The moment Crowley began to speak, Aira relaxed. They looked supremely unconcerned with the fact that the nominal leader of their new species appeared to be pissed with them. 

Aziraphale watched them for a moment, “You’re not worried?”

Aira pursed their lips as they considered the question. Then they shook their head, “Not really, the mental connection between Guardian Angels appears to have turned into a collective mind, we can feel each others knowledge and emotions. Camael is not nearly as angry as they seem, more surprised and a bit dismayed that they are no longer an angel. There is also some concern about freewill and how that fits into the collective. It’ll be sorted, I’m sure. Permission to resume protection of our charges?”

Aziraphale nodded distractedly, “You and yours may resume your duties toward your current charges. Let Camael know that I will need the particulars of your new species, including any all genders. Also a species name, if you please. There will be no new charges until we’ve had a chance to reassess your structure and job duties.”

Aira nodded with a small, pleased smile. Then they vanished with the same sound of colliding stones. 

Aziraphale cast a huge sigh into the world, clearly feeling more than a little exhausted. “We’re going to have to go to Tadfield sooner rather than later if we are already recruiting. I had hoped to have the command structure in place before we acquired subordinates.”

Crowley shrugged, “We had an opportunity, Angel, and we took it. It went a bit strange, but that's par for the course.You’re right though, we need to get people in place. As soon as the demons find out we’re recruiting forces we’ll be getting mobbed by demons who want out of Hell...or who want power.”

They had agreed that they would not take after either Heaven or Hell’s command structure. Instead they would take their cue from the humans themselves. By setting themselves up like a successful company, they would make the transition easier for any human recruits. And they already knew who was going to make up the board of department heads. Now they just had to ask two witches, two Witchfinders, an eleven-year-old former Antichrist, his three friends, and an eleven-year-old false Antichrist if they wanted to be department heads of Earth’s new side. 

“Are you sure we should have Shadwell in charge of recruitment?” Aziraphale asked.

Crowley shot him a look, “This is the man who managed to recruit every witchfinder of the current generation.”

“That would be much more impressive if there had been more than one.”

Crowley caulked their head, conceding the point. “So we’ll pair him up with someone with actual charisma. At the very least we’ll know that whoever he recruit is not likely to be a spy.”

XXXXXXXX

The younger of the two Witchfinders sat with furrowed brow. Beside him, his chosen witch had the oddest expression on her face. Neither immortal being had the experience in all their years to understand the mixture of expressions on her face. (What they were missing was her disbelief that she and Newt were the only ones who seemed to find fault in occult beings plan. She was not used to being the adult in the room.)

“Let me get this straight,” she began like the words themselves had some mysterious weight. “You want us to help you run some kind of...company full of immortals?”

Aziraphale winced slightly at her phrasing. “Not quite, my dear girl. Our Mother has assigned us to speak for the Earth as it were. We are in charge of the mortal plane of this planet and ultimately wish to bring it to where the denizens of our realm can speak as equals with the denizens of the other realms.”

Madam Tracy was the only person in the room who looked like she understood what the former angel was saying. The Them were grouped together off to one side, whispering. It was pretty clear they stopped listening before Aziraphale said the word ‘Mother.’ Shadwell looked ridiculous as his trademark suspicious glare could not hide the confusion in his eyes. It almost looked like he was trying to glare cross eyed. 

Newt and Anathema shared identical glances. Neither thought that Aziraphale’s speech held much in the way of substance. 

Crowley rolled their eyes, “It’s like you live to confuse people, Angel. These are not patrons trying to buy your books.”

A flush spread faintly across Aziraphale’s pale face. “Oh dear, I didn’t mean to offend. Perhaps you had better explain then, dearest.” While his words and manner were conciliatory, there was something teasing in his eyes. 

Crowley scoffed. “You’re lucky I like you, Angel.” They turned to the mortals in the room.“ It breaks down like this. There’s about to be a rush of angels and demons out to escape their own side. Former side. Too many for us to manage and still make sure we’re doing our job.”

Newt spent several minutes half raising and lowering his hand. Finally his nerves seemed to solidify. “I still don’t actually know what your jobs are.”

Crowley shrugged “Protect free will. Push humans onward. Keep the lot of you from destroying the planet in the meantime. Keep Heaven and Hell from killing everyone.”

“Your forgetting that we can apparently create new species, dearest.”

Crowley hands shot up in exasperation, “That is not a duty, angel, that is at best an ability. Possibly a mistake.” They considered the spider duck creature for a moment, then shuddered. “Definitely a mistake on Her part, allowing us to have an ability like that.”

The Them rejoined the rest, Adam at the front. “What would our jobs be?” the former Antichrist asked. 

Aziraphale smiled gently at him, “We’re not sure quite yet. We need to figure out how to accomplish our mission first. You all may be able to help with that.”

Madam Tracy, always a practically-minded soul, hummed, “It might be best if we go in as a clean energy company. It would be a good way to accomplish at least one of your goals. We can branch out from there.”

Throughout the discussion the concern on Newt’s end grew deeper. “I’m sorry, but at what point did we,” he gestured to indicate the entire group of them. “Become a good choice for managing a company? Don’t we need qualifications for that? Also, kids? Armageddon aside eleven-year-olds generally do not have jobs.”

“Hmm, those coming from Heaven and Hell won’t even notice their age. Perhaps the Them, and of course Warlock, can work with our recruits from either of those places. Once they are older we can reevaluate if any of the kids want to be more visible in the company.” Aziraphale said thoughtfully. “Thank you Newt, that is why we need you. Neither of us would have realized how this would have looked to other mortals.”

Anathema looked like she was about to interject more rationality that was available in the current discussion, then she paused and tilted her head. “Warlock?”

Crowley nodded, “Warlock is our son. We’ll be collecting him after we get things set up here.” Crowley snapped his fingers, “Oh, Angel, I’m thinking we create a changeling to collect Warlock.”

Aziraphale considered this, ignoring the confusion of the mortals in the room and the knowing glance of the former Antichrist. “There  _ are _ too many records to make them all think the Dowlings never had a son. Particularly in America where they record everything. I am hesitant to let them have another child, though.”

Crowley made a face, “Ngk, you’re right. Could take a leaf from the old Fairy tales, stick of wood charmed so it looks like our boy died of natural causes.”

Aziraphale’s face split with a smile, “Perfect Idea, my dear. We’ll go after we finish here.” He turned to the others, “We’re still working out most of the details for our... let's call them employees and structure. We’ll want your help with that. However, one thing we know that we want a contract that can be rescinded on either side if need be and that one of the clauses needs to be immortality for as long as the contract is active.”

It was Shadwell that nodded thoughtfully at this, “How would that work for the youngsters? They’ve still some growing to do before they should stop ageing.”

“If we include a clause for keeping the employee at peak health and age, that should take care of it.” Crowley responded. 

A loud scraping noise drew the attention of the room to Pepper, who was staring at Aziraphale and Crowley with an impatient air. “Does anyone else feel like they still don’t actually know what they,” she gestured at the pair of immortals, “actually want us for? Can we get a clearer explanation of exactly what you plan for our duties?”

There was sheepish look in Aziraphale’s eyes, “Of course, we would not want you to feel tricked into anything. We do know exactly what your duties would be just yet so I suppose that would be the first thing we need. You will need to help us figure out how to take our mission from our Mother and translate it into workable goals, then from there figure out what positions we need created to make sure everything runs smoothly. It is a bit more immediate than we really wanted because of the subordinates we acquired earlier this week.”

“What subordinates?” Brian asked

Crowley gave a careless shrug, hiding his own slight issues with their ability to create new species. “What once was the Guardian Angel Corps. Not sure what they are now but we have to be ready to deal with them within the next decade.” 

Every mortal in the room stopped and stared at the immortals so hard that Aziraphale and Crowley actually stopped as well. “What?” Aziraphale asked.

The silence rang through the room, none of the mortals seemed to want to break it. Finally Madame Tracy sighed, “A Decade is your timeline? How much do you expect to be done in that time?”

“We do realize that a decade is exceedingly short notice, we wouldn’t rush like that if we hadn’t recruited the GA corps. It will be acceptable if we can’t get anything but your positions and how to handle our newest subordinates.” Aziraphale explained in a conciliatory tone.

There was a great sigh heaved from Anathema, “When you said short notice, I thought you meant days or weeks. We can work with 10 years. You guys said that you need to go pick up your son, or collect your son or whatever. Why don’t you go get him and in the meantime us mortals are going to discuss the information you have given us. Madame Tracy or I can Google business plans to figure out what we need.” 

“That does sound like a capital idea, my dear girl.”

Crowley was nodding along, “‘twould be better to have Warlock here then we can go over all of the particulars only once.”

With that the two immortals left the eight mortals to their discussions. They had a child to collect. 


End file.
